Secondly to thank xrai_namere and evalentine9 for the hearts.... you guys are awesome.
I guess an update is in order. School's going pretty awesome, though Art History is a pain in the arse.
I started training for roller derby. I believe that it is the thing that shall save my life. Derby is amazing, and i thank every diety that there is that i found it and the people who are involved in it.
You see.... Josh and I broke up. and I know last time i was here, i was talking about doing this..... I had a few months of considering it... and I had decided that we needed to fix things. That 8 years was just not enough to throw away. I realized that I love him more than anything and that all of the bullshit that we went through just didn't matter. Unfortunately, he had done a lot of considering also, and had decided that he didn't want to stay together.
Now i feel like my heart is shattering in my chest. My world feels like its ending. I still live with him for the time, since we're on a lease... and we're still friends. still very close. Friendship was never the issue... I wake up every morning with him still holding onto me. And then we spend the rest of the day and all i can think about is how i'm not a part of his life anymore. Or at least not an important part. And it is killing me. Its killing me because I fucked up. I wish i could go back and fix everything that i did to make this wrong. I have tried to come back here so much... but its so hard cause I'm reading all of these lovey stories between my boys and it makes me think fo what i dont have anymore. And won't anymore. its true that you don't know what you've got till its gone. i've fucked up the best thing that ever happened to me.
*sighs* i just don't know what to do ... i feel so fucking helpless without him. so sad it feels like i'm just going to shatter. I dont sleep anymore cause i just cry all night.
i'm sorry to come in here and rant. i need a good occasion to happen so i can come in here and be happy.
i can show off the picture of my TARDIS corset... got it at Templecon, the steampunk con in Providence, RI. So thats a good thing.
i'm going to start making small forays back into this world... but its gonna take a bit. i miss you guys and love you guys and wish that i could go back to how things used to be.